UP, UP AND AWAY : GREAT NEWS for the governing ToryKip party of the United Kingdom today with the latest polling figures.
It seems a latest poll by NoGov has Mr Johnson’s political wrecking ball at its highest ever polling of 110%. The hitting of the classic sporting percentage is a first for any UK government and displays just how much of a taste the great British public have for a steaming kakistocracy.
“There’s literally nothing he can do to get the polling lower,” a source inside 10 Downing Street told LCD Views. “It’s getting embarrassing frankly. You want a sense of struggle and success. But this is just a cakewalk.”
It’s believed the PM will celebrate the polling numbers with a champagne lunch, although critics say that’s just “business as usual” and he could hold a press conference instead.
“Do it under the guise of a pandemic update and then just electioneer,” the source advises, “as that would be classic Boris. Abusing his position for personal advancement. It’s what the people voted for.”
The sky high poll numbers do also help make sense of why Mr Johnson’s former advisor, Gollum, is currently daily in the papers attempting to tear Mr Johnson to pieces.
“What better time for Mr Gove to pretend to unwillingly take on the mantle of leadership than now? He’s been away in Israel on mysterious business for a month. But now it all makes sense.”
People opposed to the government are also celebrating, as it’s another chance for infighting rather than joining in common cause.
“Everyone should look forward to Gove as Prime Minister, even if he is rather unlikely to do anything other than topple Johnson. There’s only one person more disliked in the UK than Gove, and that’s his doppelganger.”