PATRIOTISM IS GROWING : The Tory MP for Bulb-phor-Brain Baron Filchpurse has hit back at unpatriotic reports that the great freedom enterprise of Brexit led to the waste of millions of daffodil flowers.
“Anyone blaming Brexit can safely be ignored as an enemy of the people,” he told a meeting of Patriotic Conservative Growers and Dealers. “We all know that to grow any flower successfully in the spectrum of British sunlight requires the colours of the Union Jack.”
He went on to explain that had the hapless floriculturists simply bothered to take the time “to plant red, white and blue daffodils, planted to mirror the Union Jack” the harvest would have been full of “Brexit triumph. And basically blessed by God. Who is still an Englishman. You can ignore reports he has taken German citizenship.”
What the farmers will make of his comments isn’t yet clear, but many are believed to erroneously blame Britain’s headlong crash out of the Brexit gate, during a global pandemic, is the cause.
“There’s plenty of unemployed laying about our towns and cities,” the Baron continued. “Children. Children need to find work young in Brexitannia and contribute to making a success of the project. Perhaps school one day a week for the poor and good, old fashioned, solid field graft for the rest? Make men of the boys. Get those flowers harvested!”
And the Tory MP isn’t alone in his criticism of farmers, no less than five village idiots have raised their voices in support.
“I’m a little disappointed in the British idiots if I’m honest,” he told LCD Views. “I expected every single one of them to come out in support.”
But all is not lost.
“Next year the farmers will have an opportunity to grow daffodils. I suggest the pick the packers with the Union Jacks on them. Those will be the best.”