Downing Street to give Wales the Elgin Marbles to head off calls for return of Stonehenge

DYCH CHI EISIAU CLYCH CARREG NEU FARBLIS : Downing Street is on the front foot today with its open hands extended with the promise of a major gift to Wales.

“We’ve enough bally trouble on our hands dealing with the jocks and the Irish,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views. “Last thing we need is the Welsh getting ideas and raising the Red Dragon. They’ve been happily ruled by England since the medieval period. Why risk upsetting all that?”

And to try and get in front of any moaning from the western provinces the ‘Union Unit’ in Downing Street, tasked with keeping the U.K. intact, has had a brain explosion.

“We don’t want to go handing back Stoned Henge, no matter what the professors discover. It’s our stone circle and we need to keep it for periodical dead cat stories about dynamiting it to widen the motorway that runs beside it. So we need to give the Welsh something of equal value to show how much we care.”

The something of equal value is the Elgin Marbles.

“Giving them the Marbles is a win win. We get to shut up the nationalists in Wales. Wales now has to argue with the Greeks over them and we get to keep the Stony Rock Hierographs. Everyone is happy. And best of all, mates of Tory ministers will land some amazing contracts to safely store and move the Marbles to Wales. After locating, planning and building the visitors centre. There’s gold in them there hills! Get in!”

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