GET READY FOR SCURVY : Downing Street is launching a series of new initiatives to help patriots best prepare for the bafflingly self-imposed new realities next year.
While most information campaigns so far have been aimed at quickening the pulse of proper British businesses, large and small, the new campaign is aimed at everyone.
”It’s indiscriminate friendly fire,” a 10 Downing Street genius told LCD Views, “consider this the white hot phosphorus of pubic messaging. I mean public. Public messaging. Sorry I’ve been spending a lot of time with the PM.”
The info campaign will be dazzling, as expected, and take the form of recent masterclasses in pubic messaging. Public. We mean public messaging.
“Get ready and keep calm,” the insider informs, “all the classic tropes. Only this time we’re warning people it’s their fault if they fail to prepare and get scurvy.”
Avoiding scurvy will be a priority for global Britons and all are encouraged to stockpile British citrus now.
“If everyone plays their part in the rolling farce and stockpiles a few tonnes of British grown lemons, oranges, even clementines now, it will help them compete in the hunger games to come. I for one will be doing my part and filling my larder with Yorkshire grown easy peelers.”
Switching your preference to British grown citrus, and away from unpatriotic Spanish fruits, will also be a real boost to the British agricultural sector.
“If you buy enough lemons you can save a British sheep farmer,” the insider adds, “and rest assured, rickets won’t be a risk as you’ll all be getting plenty of Vitamin D stood aside in ration queues.”
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