SEE NO EVIL SPEAK NO EVIL HEAR A LOT OF EVIL : THE PEOPLE’S PRIME MINISTER, BORIS JOHNSON, HAS ENDED THIS WEEK AS HE DOES MOST, WITH THE ANNOUNCEMENT OF A BOLD BUILDING PROJECT.
But it’s not a bridge he’s suggesting, or a rocket ship, no this week he has taken a leaf out of Donald Trump’s scat smeared colouring book and decided he’s going to build a wall.
“Just the greatest wall! Not many people know this, but no one in England has ever built a wall around a city before. And let me tell you folks you’re going to be amazed. So amazed. People all over the world will be talking about my wall. Just the greatest wall. So big. So Mancunian!”
The choice of Manchester for the wall is obvious, as they tend to vote Labour.
“We can’t have little Andy Burnham sneaking out of Manchester and spreading his dangerous ideas about supporting working people forced into endless isolation and penury by my WORLD BEATING management of Covid-19. They should have got a PPE contract! All the smartest people have PPE contracts! LOCK HIM UP! LOCK HIM UP! LOCK HIM UP!”
To assist with the PR campaign to convince the country that the wall around Manchester is necessary there will be a merchandising campaign, with stockpiles of MAGA hats flown over from the dusty warehouses they now rot in in the USA.
“And I know what you’re going to ask next. I know it. I have the greatest brain. Everybody can see it. I make buses out of empty wine crates. I ride forklifts through boxes. I hide in fridges! I’m a LEADER. OF. MEN. And I know how we’re going to pay for the wall around Manchester and keep areas with significantly higher COVID-19 infection rates safe from the crazy people who live there.”
Pause to allow suspense.
“We’re going to build a wall! And LITTLE ANDY BURNHAM is going to PAY FOR IT.”
At least that’s the plan, but it’s likely to backfire, like everything Johnson does since becoming the people’s prime minister.