LORD DRUMPF OF HOTAYRSHIRE : The fake news printing press is never cold where Boris Johnson and Donald ‘Gonad’ Trump are concerned, and there’s no news more fake than this article.
Which is not to say it isn’t true. And rumours this morning that Boris Johnson is expected to elevate his buddy across the pond, Donald Trump, to the House of Lords in the New Year’s Honours List are only fuelling the speculation of what’s to come.
“Just because the Queen won’t have to host another Trump state visit, doesn’t mean our aged monarch is completely rid of him,” our international correspondent reports, “with Mr Trump expected to be on The Queen’s Honours List as 2020 grudgingly gives way to its sequel.”
What party affiliation Mr Trump will take in the UK’s second chamber isn’t clear, with the automatic assumption he will take the Tory whip undermined by the associated rumours regarding Mr Trump’s plans.
“It’s thought that once Mr Trump is dragged out of the Oval Office he will flee to the UK, hence the news about his elevation to the House of Lords. But, and this is the important point, he’s expected then to run for the leadership of UKIP. That said, it won’t make him the first UKIP peer, because the Tory Party is now UKIP. But for appearances sake he may nominally take the UKIP whip, because he will be the whip.”
And the Lordship of Trump raises additional queries about who will be Lady Trump.
“Potentially one of the Melania’s, but it’s always possible they will have divorced him before it occurs. In which case his daughter will most likely be Lady Drumpf.”
But Lord and Lady Drumpf of where?
“Ayrshire, due to Trump’s ownership of a golf club there,” our correspondent confirms, “however the area will change name to accommodate Lord Drumpf and become Hotayrshire.”