BODY DOUBLE EXPONENTIAL : OUTGOING US PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP received a welcome boost as polls began to open across America today as his alleged wife Melania Trump was filmed voting, again and again.
“There is no need to investigate this,” a White House staffer told LCD Views, “it’s merely a sign of the lingering strength of support for the Covid Spreader in Chief. And really we should be celebrating, it’s the first time Melania has enjoyed a multiple of anything while with Trump.”
But while the White House is surprisingly nonchalant about the footage, even more surprising given how concerned Donald Trump is with voter fraud, others are demanding to know how Melania did it? And will the ballots be voided?
“If Donald Trump has invented a teleportation device than he should tell us,” a keen Trump watcher said, as they ground their knuckles into their eyes, “as that would convince many that he is a very stable genius with the best brain.”
And it is conceivable that Mr Trump has invented a Star Trek style transportation system, clearly arousing from his Space Force programme.
“He’s already invented a time machine, we’ve been in the 1930’s for years now, steadily grinding on towards 1939. So why not teleportation?”
But the actual reason for the numerous incidences of Melania Trump filmed voting in dozens of places simultaneously is much more banal.
“Every Melania body double gets a vote,” our election analyst notes, “whether or not they go to vote in character is their personal choice.”
At what time today the actual Melania Trump will vote is unclear, with many believing she has already fled the USA and is back living anonymously in a village in Europe.