MAKE IT SO SO NUMBER ONE : PRIME MINISTER BORIS JOHNSON, Al to his friends, has decided to step up to the plate at last and take charge.
Fully refreshed from doing nothing much at all for most of his life the prime minister is fighting fit for the challenges he’s creating for the United Kingdom.
To signal his grip on the steering wheel of fate he’s taken charge of having his paid media mouthpieces announce he’s taking charge.
“This will bring consolation and reassurance to a nation that at times feels like no one is in charge,” a Downing Street source told LCD Views, “it’s a silly feeling anyway. We all know that Dom is in charge and we can all have a positive stab in the dark at who is in control of Dom. But this will help people who need to be led feel that someone is in charge.”
And it seems the first thing that Mr Johnson will take charge of is school reopenings.
“Only until it goes wrong and teachers need to be blamed, as if they’re in charge,” the source clarified.
And while it may seem to some unnecessary sceptics that the only thing the prime minister is really in charge of is getting people to say, not for the first time, that he’s taking charge, but that is a mistake.
“He’s in charge of so many things already. His holiday schedule. A bloody harem of mistresses, allegedly. The legal steps needed to keep that rampaging festival of booze sodden, humping flesh private, allegedly. He’s a bloody good multi-tasker is Al, to his friends.”
But does it need to be announced? Shouldn’t it be a given that he’s in charge?
“Not when you’ve a reputation as a master delegator.”
You mean he’s bone idle?
“No. I mean he’s in charge of taking charge. Well, at least until the point he’s charged, allegedly.”