DARTH STAR TURNS : Serial failure Darth Vader now has a cherry on top of his peerage cake after his appointment to head the newly created Space Infrastructure Agency.
“Eyebrows were already raised earlier this year when Mr Johnson elevated his long term friend, Darth Vader, to the Lords making him Lord Vader,” our Downing Street specialist, Mr Cronyism, reports, “and the accusations of favouritism will surface again with Mr Vader’s appointment to run the plum new agency.”
Lord Vader himself was said to be “ebullient” and “grinning from ear to ear, not that you’d notice” at the appointment and believes his track record speaks for itself.
“SIA is actually the result of the merger of two concerns, the MOD and that failed satellite company the Tories just wasted £500m on,” Mr Cronyism continues, “although on the face of it a public enterprise charged with leveraging the UK’s significant weight in trade talks with the EU, by way of threatening their home planets with annihilation, it is expected that the agency will be galactic beating.”
Another facet of the new agency will be its role of transferring billions in public money directly into the pockets of some of the world’s largest multinationals, with no expectation of outcomes.
“The transferring of public wealth to private pockets is the outcome, the rest of it is just noise,” Mr Cronyism explains, “I expect Lord Vader will make an impact exceptionally quickly as the head of SIA. Rapidly replicating his achievements in the galactic war that saw uncounted trillions wasted and ultimately, total failure.”
Talk about failing upwards. Go Vader!