INK’D INTO HISTORY : THE DEVIL HIMSELF has reacted swiftly to the totally legitimate acquittal of US President (for life) Donald Trump, and moved to make a change that’s more than symbolic.
“It’s not my work,” the Devil said, commenting on the swift wrapping up of the impeachment trial of Mr Drumpf, “although I wish it was. To see a trial with no witnesses called, because they can’t be for fear of proof of guilt, that’s a masterpiece right there. And to have so many of the jurors announce, before the trial had even started, that they’d settled on an innocent verdict of someone so unashamedly guilty? Magnificent. America! F*ck Yeah!”
And while the endorsement of the trial’s outcome by the Lord of Lies isn’t surprising, it has raised a few eyebrows.
“It certainly seems to have stuffed up the libtard snowflakes,” the Devil continued, “many of them seemed to believe that Mr Trump was me. Touchingly naive. No. No. I just extended Donald a line of credit in exchange for his one immortal asset [dreamy smile]. As soon as he started caging kids I knew he was making America just the kind of great I want it to be. Not to mention all the misogyny and nepotism. It really is refreshing to see someone do so much of your work for you, and for so little in return.”
But what about rumours that the Devil is making a change as a result of the trial’s outcome?
“Yes, 52/48? It really is a magical number. Just look at Brexit and now the Senate result favouring Donnie. Clearly 52/48 is more powerful than 666. So I’m updating the tattoo on my forehead accordingly. 52/48 all the way!”