FLAP CAPS AND FERRETS AND VICTORY : LABOUR COMMENTATORS ACROSS THE SOCIAL MEDIA MEGASPHERE have been fast with the megaphone advice to the party over what sort of leader could reverse their decline.
“Clearly we need a northerner,” one busy body revealed, “we didn’t lose our voters in swathes across the North and Midlands because Jeremy Corbyn was as good as leader as Dominic Raab is a navigator. It’s because his accent was wrong. Otherwise it’s obvious the voters would have trusted him to lead them through the dark. He seems so certain of his direction. Just his bloody London accent!”
‘appen!
“And we didn’t lose millions of voters because we spent years refusing to comment coherently on UK politics all consuming issue, Brexit, and then finally unveiled a two-facing policy that promised to drag the issue on for ages. While famous Manchurian Boris Johnson was simply promising to get it sorted. We lost the voters because Jeremy Corbyn was never once pictured with a ferret. Unlike Boris Johnson.”
Eh?
“And so it’s obvious. The voters in the North and the Midlands want a Northerner or at least someone from Watford. That’s where the north begins. Everyone commenting from London knows that.”
Flippin’ eck!
“Personally I’ll call up Geoffrey Boycott and see if he’s free for the next five years. He’s loved by everyone and his reputation for leadership and concern for others is second to none.”
Open the window, someone’s guffed a big one…
We here are LCD Views would like to commend the people offering the advice. Jeremy Corbyn didn’t lose because he came across about as useful as a chocolate teapot. He lost because he didn’t speak in a northern accent, unlike the famous fridge fancier Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson.
But we do have just one word of advice.
Next time you’re faced, as the official opposition, in a hung parliament with a government that is determined to ignore all incidents and evidence of electoral crime and dark money fuelled, micro-targeted social media manipulation, maybe call it out?
The centre and left of it have been very busy being all right about everything the last few years. The ruthless syndicate now installed in Downing Street has been busy pursuing an ‘ends justify the means’ strategy, and now they have their end and we need someone to unify the opposition and take them on. Fast. And it doesn’t actually matter in what accent they do it.
We’re headin’ to the dale for a walk, are ya comin?
You wot mate?