BUILDING BRIDGES OUT OF BUSES : BORIS JOHNSON, flailing prime minister of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, is going to have a heavy weekend. He’s got some thinking to do. Some people weirdly trust him and he has to choose who to disabuse, or he may not deliver Brexit. Which would be a shame. If you’re a nationalist politician after independence.
“The DUP? They’re always on the phone. It never stops,” a technical coach, helping Boris understand Instagram, told LCD Views, “like, every time I take my top off to better show BoBo how to upload a selfie with a virile filter, it’s Arlene again! I think he should throw the DUP under the bus and keep Northern Ireland in the CU and SM. He can just front out the rest of the UK wanting exactly the same benefit by saying it’s the elites who did it.”
But other aides to the PM think he should throw different allies under the bus.
“We’ll first he’s got to make a bus big enough,” a local arts and crafts supplier advised, “to this end I am shortly to deliver a truckload of cardboard, craft glue and paints. Oh, and some little Lego people to serve as the people he throws under the bus. I think he should throw the ERG under. They’re so radicalised now they’ll never agree to anything but a Wicker Man Brexit anyway. And if he gets rid of them…wait…the maths is a problem with this Brexit business. Well, he should throw them under anyway. For the public good.”
It’s clearly a tough choice. He’s got to keep enough Labour MPs supporting Brexit too, while alienating a battalion from his own side?
“Probably best to throw Dominic Cummings under the bus? Don’t you think?” the poor sod who has to tidy up Downing Street each evening said, “if I have to scrub another kilo of chicken entrails off Dom’s desk I’ll go insane. Not to mention cleaning up all the scattered knuckle bones, small, hard to identify femurs and what not. The divination rites to decide each day’s new Brexit dead cat play are very messy. It wasn’t like this with May. She just spent each day in the toilet screaming for someone to make Boris Johnson go away.”
One thing is certain, if he does deliver any kind of Brexit, you can wish the UK away. Much better if we just stayed…Boris knows that. Why not throw Brexit under the Brexit bus?