ALL THE MONEY IN THE WORLD : The Conservatives are still clearly in campaign mode today with the announcement of their most insane spending commitment yet.
“We’ll get the money from the future,” Tory MP for Useful Idiocy, Dorrmat Footrooster, told LCD Views, “have you seen the future? It’s just full of money. Mostly that where the money is. So clearly that’s where we will get it. We’ve already opened a deep cut mine of spending commitments to that purpose.”
But surely the latest giveaway is stretching credibility to the limit.
“What? Promising record investment in new hospitals isn’t already stretching it? A government jammed full of ministers with links to private US health firms? And you’re still credulous?”
Have you seen the latest polls?
“Yes. It’s pretty eye watering stuff. I mean, just how? Game on. This is why it’s easy to promise however much it takes to convince you Boris Johnson is honest. Just name your price?”
£350m a week for myself and another £350m for my dog for life.
“Done. Cheques in the post. Just look to the future. What do you think about Mr Johnson now? Is he honest?”
Scrupulously so. Any scandals are clearly just misinterpretations. He just wants the best for everyone. You won’t find a more honest and credible public servant.
“Amazing. And you haven’t even got the cheque yet. Do you want to buy a bridge? We’re selling those too.”
Which bridge?
“Why London Bridge of course. And what’s best, I’ll deliver it personally to your home.”
In the future?
“Yes. Where all the best promises go to die.”