The supreme court today have made a landmark ruling on a question that has been preying on the public’s minds for a long time, but have today issued their verdict.
They have decided, by a vote of 11 to nil, that water is in fact wet.
One of the judges, Laura Norder, issued the following statement after the verdict was announced.
“We looked at several samples of water of varying kinds – tap water, bottled water, rain water, spring water, sea water, we looked at them, we examined them with our fingers and we tasted them. Every type of water you could think of. All of it had that wet feel to it, so we had to conclude that water is indeed wet.”
Well they’ll certainly have had plenty of rain water to test out in the last few days.
Nigel Farage also had something to say on the matter. Nobody actually asked him to, but whenever there’s an issue, he is unable to resist giving his opinion.
“What about ice then?” he asked. “That’s water, that’s dry. So the judges got it wrong, water is irrefutably dry.”
Well he would say that wouldn’t he. But Mrs Norder had the comeback:
“We did investigate ice, and found it melting, and displaying increasingly liquid characteristics. The only way to make ice dry is to freeze it, and then it’s not water.”
At this Mr Farage left the room in a sulk, insisting that water was really dry.
So after both this and the revelation that Boris Johnson’s proroguing of parliament was unlawful, what next for the supreme court?
“There are other issues that urgently need settling,” Mrs Norder added. “There is an unconfirmed rumour that the pope has leanings towards Catholicism. We think it might be useful to investigate that one.”
She might also investigate the claim that bears shit in the woods.