THE TYRANNY OF TWO LEFT FEET : Boris Johnson has put yet another reason for leaving the EU into the wheelbarrow of nonsense (already overflowing) today, by talking about socks.
“You know what’s it like,” he implored, during a rooftop interview, somewhere in NYC, “you need to get out of the house in a jiffy, before some posh, blonde bit of fun’s old man catches you, and you get delayed by your socks.”
It wasn’t like this before we joined the EU.
“And you’re sat there, on the edge of the bed, panting, hearing the front door open and you don’t know how the blazes you’ll climb out of the window in time if you can’t tell your left from your right sock. And you can’t bally well go out in bare feet. You would look a right slob as you stand on the corner down the street, behind that lamp post you picked out earlier, waiting for the Uber.”
Socks presumably shoved in a pocket? No good in the winter. It wasn’t like this before we joined the EU!
“People need a way to speed the process up. They need to know which sock is which! European red tape currently stops patriotic British sock makers from printing ‘L’ on the left sock [Here he turns to an aide off screen and enquires if it’s definitely an ‘L’ on the left sock? Confirmation received, he continues.] and a ‘R’ on the right. Once we leave the EU we will automatically have that right again!”
[Pause for applause]
“I say to the people of Britain, the day is coming! The day when you will no longer be confused by your socks! So long as you can read.”
About the best reason to leave the EU that he’s given so far. Let’s do it!