DOUBLE TROUBLE : The Hone Office is taking a bold step to prepare for Brexit by announcing the immediate detention of all doppelgängers.
“It’s well known that the EU has been attempting to undermine the will of the British people by planting doubles in our society,” Mr Pratt, Tory MP for Big-on-Pratts, told LCD Views, “it’s even thought some of the body doubles inserted over the years into the UK are the reason the EU has not yet realised that we hold all the cards. Well, we’re going to put a stop to all that.”
The initiative, part of the overall drive to eventually deport everyone from the UK, so as to start all over again with cultural purity, will be a welcome relief to many patriots.
“Once the doppelgängers are removed and returned, unharmed, to their country of origin, proper British people will not be plagued by the accusations they’ve been spotted doing unpatriotic things. This will reassure everyone that we are going to make a success of Brexit, not only in global trade, but culturally. Purity is important.”
But critics of the scheme have pointed out that twins may fall foul of the round up and end up detained and removed unjustly.
“We expect there will be an acceptable small error rate. Twins will be able to apply to return, just so long as they don’t pick up any suspicious inflections in their accents while abroad. It’s all perfectly straightforward.”
And members of the general public are encouraged to get involved.
“We will be releasing a free phone number for you to call if you see someone that looks a little bit, or a lot, like you. We will have them removed. But just be careful to call first, before they do.”
Brexit, it’s not a flawed idea turning our society slowly into a fascist playground, it’s a success.