CHICKEN RUN : Who said an old dog can’t learn new tricks? Well, Boris Johnson, that old dog, he can.
And it’s a good thing too. For years now anyone even half conscious in the United Kingdom has had to reflexively cringe when Boris Johnson speaks. Especially if he speaks to foreigners. But now he has found a strategy to spare even the softest snowflake’s blushes.
“He’s decided to hide, rather than risk being embarrassed,” a Downing Street source told LCD Views, “we all know if his lips are moving he’s lying. And sometimes he can be a tiny bit intentionally racist. Well, if he hides none of that is a problem. It’s genius.”
And it’s a well timed stroke of genius. There were plenty of protestors out and about today as the one man human whirlwind was let loose at Junker, and Xavier Bettel.
“We’re all really relieved,” a spokesman for the government of Luxembourg said, “we know Mr Johnson is famous for his temper. And the madder he gets the stronger he gets. It would have been terrible to watch him go all green and sweaty at the podium. The EU would probably have torn up the Irish backstop there and then, just to save themselves!”
But there was no fear of that, as Mr Johnson was nowhere to be seen.
“As soon as he realised he was going to be on film again, and broadcast news was going to carry footage of him waffling nonsense with protestors shouting ‘Stop the coup!’ in the background, again, he did go green. But it was green at the gills. Then he just vanished. Who knew the Hulk was also the Invisible Man. I guess it’s obvious. You never see them in the same room together.”
And here we all were thinking the Tory prime minister who started all this and ran away, David Cameron, was the Brave Sir Robin of British politics? And now we discover there are two brave, brave, brave Sir Robins.
When danger reared its ugly head they bravely turned their tails and fled. That doesn’t sound like the Hulk to me.