THE SPECIAL RELATIONSHIP IN SPECIAL MEASURES: President Donald Trump is on the war path today after a leak from the U.K. Foreign Office showed we employ honest ambassadors. But no one is supposed to know about it.
“What U.K. ambassador Kim Carrot said about me and my administration is unpresidented,” Mr Trump told reporters, while inspecting the vintage B52’s used to defeat Lord London’s forces at the Battle of Lex Luther and Concord on the 1st April 1775.
”Did you know the French named a super fast aeroplane after the battle of Concord. They were so impressed. So, so amazed by our magnificent men in their flying machines. We discovered the sky. We really did. Before our air corps attacked the British tea plantations at Boston no one had looked up before. Only down.”
But it wasn’t just the U.K. Ambassador in the firing line of Donald Trump’s 18th century stealth bombers. The put up leak job by the Brexiters also pulled Air Marshall Theresa May in for a strafing.
”I told Ms May that she should have built a wall in the English Channel and told the EU to pay for it. That way they couldn’t get out of Europa to reach America across the Transatlantic Ocean. But she doesn’t listen. Not like my good friend Kim Jong-un. He says my concentration camps are first class. Not many people know that. The lying media won’t tell you how he sings the praises of me keeping kids in cages.”
But who will now replace the UK’s ambassador to the USA? It’ll have to be someone he is certain he can deal with.
”Chris Grayling will be amazed at my efficiency,” Donald Trump himself announced his first pick, “if I’m inept, what the hell is he?”
It was a moment of surprising clarity.