THE PAST IS A FOREIGN COUNTRY : News today that the Abraham Lincoln memorial in Washington has been caged for the entirety of the 4th of July, so Abraham Lincoln can’t escape President Donald Trump’s military parade.
”It’s Lincoln’s fault,” a spokesman for the Trump White House, A Spinchter, told LCD Views, “he turns up each morning on the lawn outside the President’s office. Trump has to go out and shout at him to go away. He’s very judgemental of Donald Trump. He doesn’t understand how hard Trump fights for freedom.”
Suggestions that Abraham Lincoln isn’t actually leaving the memorial to walk about and upset Trump have been dismissed.
”The President isn’t dreaming this. Lincoln actually does this. He needs to be restrained. The last time he turned up he said ‘Four score and seven years ago Donald Trump bankrupted his first casino’. It’s disrespectful.”
But there won’t be any such shows of disrespect for Trump’s military parade to celebrate Independence Day, with the cage now being fitted and locked about the memorial.
”We’ve gagged Lincoln too. If he starts banging on about equality of all people and how they had a whole civil war about the evils of white supremacism, well Trump will probably lose it. Right when he wants to see the big shiny guns fired.”
It’s believed Trump is close to a Twitter storm targeted at Lincoln, but is holding off until he can find Abe’s twitter handle. He may in fact have already blocked Trump to save himself the irritation of Trumpster pile ons.
”Once the parade is over we’ll take the cage away. After that Ivanka will talk to Mr Lincoln. He’s sure to listen to what she has to say.”