TERMINALLY HIGH : Boris Johnson’s media blitz over the last few days has achieved his aim of having everyone just talking about Boris Johnson. It’s unavoidable, he is the news cycle at the moment. Much as we might wish it otherwise. He could end up as PM in a few weeks too.
But it’s not easy to gauge how successful the bumbling boofhead’s blitz is, with one ridiculous interview following another.
It certainly worked very well for the dangerous clown across the pond, Donald Trump, but then the right wingers who were determined to put a right winger in the Oval Office only had Donald Trump. In the UK Conservative voters have an alternative and they currently hold the office.
“It’s all very well being the dead cat on the table when you’re not the prime minister,” our PR guru muses, “but does the strategy work just as well when you are striving for the top job? When there’s another option. Time will soon tell.”
Still, the incoherence of his interviews has led to questions being asked again about his history of substance abuse. For once, when pressed for an answer, Mr Johnson actually gave one.
“I moved from sniffing cocaine to sniffing glue, while making my buses,” Mr Johnson explained, during a surprisingly frank, imaginary interview with ourselves, “superglue really does get you high and no one questions a grown man buying tube after tube. At least not once you reveal you make toy buses in your spare time.”
It all makes sense now, even if Boris Johnson hardly ever does.