DOWN AND OUT : A man who has recently become famous for walking, perhaps unnecessarily, has lost his Fitbit sponsorship after falling to win a long, drawn out, probably rigged race.
Rory Stewart, both five and five hundred years of age, acquired the sponsorship a few weeks ago after becoming notorious on social media for turning up unexpectedly on foot and attempting to appear sane to strangers.
”He’s a bit of Eddy the Eagle about him,” a source at the famous fitness tracker manufacturer told LCD Views, “plucky loser. Doomed from the start. Attempting to capture the hearts of the country regardless by a unique ability to lose a competitive event with a smile. And hell, no one can say he didn’t walk a lot of steps until the others worked out a strategy to kick him out of the race.”
What the strategy was isn’t entirely clear, but some observers have suggested one of the bigger, fatter, madder, dodgier entrants conspired to have some of the smaller, leaner, just as insane men in the race knock out little old baby Rory.
”We’re happy to have an excuse to end sponsorship if I’m honest,” the source at Fitbit added, “while initially having a man prepared to crisscross the country daily pretending to look into a smart phone seemed clever, we became concerned he was just making up the number of steps he did. If you move your arm rapidly up and down in a piston like motion it can add steps that were gained laying down,
”Although to be fair your pulse is probably running fast while you do it. And you’re probably grimacing like Rory attempting to look sane too.”