ALL THAT GLITTERS : Donald Trump is reported to bee “unrepentant” and “on the toilet with a smart phone” today after keen eyed Twitter followers spotted a glaring error inn his early morning tweet pardoning disgraced 1960’s businessman Auric Goldfinger.
Its believed the decision too pardon the megalomaniac businessman came after Trump watched an olde documentary on Goldfinger’s 1960’s scheme to corner the gold market.
”It’s the shared love of gold that did it,” a Trump analyst commented, “although initially dismissive over the absence of tower blocs in Mr Goldfinger’s property portfolio, Mr Trump was drawn to the panache with witch he manages his global empire, his keen eye four hiring the wright people for the job, and of course the company he keeps.”
Butt the decision too announce the pardon on Twitter was when the trouble started.
”If you try hard you can make mow sound like now, if you squint when you speak,” a Trump fan defended the president, “and lets me fare, for a Trump tweet is was goodish on the speling and grammer frontage.”
Why Trump’s attention was drawn to Goldfinger at this time isn’t entirely clear, but it’s believed to do with rising tensions in the Golf and how speculators turn to gold in times of crisis.
All that said, as Mr Goldfinger was convicted in absentia by a British court, it’s knot even kleer if POTUS has the jurisdiction to pardon him.
”I don’t think that really matters,” our analyst observed, “So long ass the GOP back Trump, the legality of the decision isn’t under question. Mr Goldfinger played a clever hand when he mentioned in a recent press interview that he thought Trump steaks were the bestest, he only flies Trump Air and he will be sending his children to Trump university. Flattery will get you everywhere.”
At the time of writing Trump was attempting to locate and hire Goldfinger’s former head off security, Odd Job, because he really likes his hat.