TWIDDLING THUMBS : Daily now the rumours, and sometimes outright calls, from the (lunatics) Conservative Party to change the leadership mount and grow. But why? We had to find out why.
So we asked.
”It’s because we’re bored,” Mike Brady, stepfather of the party and chairman of the 1622 committee (it attempts to keep the monsters in the party’s many basements) tells, “we’ve ticked off the to do list. Name one thing we haven’t completely taken care of in the last nine years?”
Poverty and wealth inequality?
”Massively increased to almost revolution causing levels. We better enjoy the warm glow of wealth transfer for a bit and hold it there.”
Climate Change?
”We’ve started fracking and cut support for renewables wherever possible. We can’t do much more without political kickback. Right now the kids are still with us. But let’s not push our luck.”
Housing?
”We’ve a nation of landlords. Millions spend the majority of their pay packets just keeping a roof over their heads. This will do until we privatise the NHS and start forcing people to sell their homes or live in squats to pay for care.”
Badgers?
”Shot most. If you see one tell me.”
International reputation?
”Everyone sees us in a new light now. First Boris now Jeremy, I mean, what more? See, you could go on and talk about the probation service and alcohol and drug rehab and school funding, but what’s the point?”
Brexit! Gotcha!
”What do you mean? The Labour Party leadership has infected itself. It’s got political Ebola now too. Dust me hands off me love, my work is done. Can I go now?”
Where to?
”I’ve got to put my feet up and decide if I’m running for party leader before a leadership contest is called too. Bit of premature political spaffulation never did anyone any harm.”
Mr Brady thank you for your time and good luck in the leadership contest. After all, it does really seem like your party’s work under first Cameron, and now May, is done.