NO GE until 2022, says government suddenly spending £200m of public money replacing tower block cladding

SAYING ONE THING AND DOING ANOTHER FILE: HMG has suddenly decided to take the axe to the magic money tree and chop off a limb for a good cause. We are curious as to why?

“Isn’t it obvious?” our political analyst asked during the imaginary editorial meeting this morning.

Yes. It seems to be. But spell it out.

“Well, they must be preparing for a GE,” the analyst explained, “they’ve sat back disinterested for a couple of years while tenants slept terrified through every night due to having potentially lethal material on the very walls outside of their bedrooms. But now? Now suddenly the public purse is to open and spill out £200m to pay for it.”

Well the property owners and leaseholders are just squabbling over the cost and not getting anything done, this is just responsible government.

“Don’t play devil’s advocate with me,” the analyst spat, “if they gave a flying fcuk they would have done that ages ago. Look at the timing.”

It’s just circumstantial.

“Exactly. The circumstances are that a GE is going to be called any day now and so they want to position themselves right on Grenfell after years of inaction. Caring Conservatives. Cynical buggers.”

It’s a very good issue to resolve.

“And it should have been ages ago. But you go on, write a headline playing into the inevitable spin.”

But a GE isn’t very likely. May said she wouldn’t be calling one and will stand down once Brexit is delivered.

Why are you laughing? Stop laughing. This is a serious meeting to decide the day’s articles.

“Now I’ve got tears in my eyes. May said…omg…has she ever stood by anything she’s ever said?”

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