BREAKING ICE : Startling news out of Norway today after a Norwegian fishing trawler reportedly hauled in the 45th (US 45th, 1st Russian – allegedly) President of the USA, Donald Trump.
The incident occurred in waters off the fishing village of Inga while fishing boats were out attempting to lay nets.
“Initially the fishermen believed it was just a strange beluga whale,” our Norwegian Fishing correspondent reports, “but then it approached the boats and began to talk.”
Apparently the conversation was mostly concerned with the harness attached to the whale’s back.
“It’s just the greatest harness! I’ve got the bigliest harness of any white whale, it went on and on like that,” one of the fishermen, a Ragnor Lothbrok, told our correspondent, “it was very boastful.”
But it appears the whale was having trouble staying afloat and when it began to blow excessive amounts of scat out of its blowhole the fishermen became concerned and hauled it aboard one of the boats.
“It was then that they realised what they hand on their hands,” our correspondent explains, “the crew were worried the harness, which appeared to have been affixed very tightly about the whale, was causing the breathing difficulties so they decided to cut it off.”
On examining the harness they found a label that proclaimed “Property of V. Putin, if found please return to the Kremlin – You thought the fall of the Berlin Wall was the end of the Cold War, but it was just half time to me”.
“The Trump whale is clearly some kind of weapon,” our correspondent declares, “it’s currently being distracted with a smart phone while US mammal researchers decide whether or not it can be de-programmed, or should be kept in captivity for the rest of its unnatural life.”