BREAKING : A medical emergency at a Stephan Yaxley-Lennon campaign rally yesterday saw one unlucky fan rushed to A&E after coming into contact with a food substance they were deeply allergic to.
“It didn’t contain nuts,” a spokesman for the Whiter-than-White Shire Ambulance Service told LCD Views, “I mean everyone at the rally is completely nuts anyway, so they’d not be able to stand together in their little group if they were allergic to nuts. I don’t even know how they stand themselves as it is!”
It seems while nuts were involved, albeit only of the vaguely human variety, there was another danger lurking within the food available at the rally.
“They should promise to bribe people through the tax system,” a spokesman for the local constabulary commented, “that’s what mature politicians do. Not give away gammon burgers. Such a display of cannibalism is frankly an assault, and don’t get me started on the actual politics on display. And definitely don’t get me started asking how a convicted criminal is even allowed to stand as an MEP in the first place?”
But what was the dangerous food that caused the punter to be rushed to A&E.
“The individual concerned, a Mr G Gammy-gammon, is believed to have accidentally consumed a small portion of a Gregg’s vegan sausage roll,” the PC police replied, “this led to instant analphabetic shock and a tightening of the airwaves sufficient to stop him shouting abuse at passersby. And we all know without the ability to scream at people a Tommo fan boy is in a critical condition. I believe an inability to raise the arm in a flat palmed salute is also symptomatic of vegan food poisoning.”
But surely the food hygiene standards at such a rally would be watertight?
“Definitely no halal or kosher food anywhere in sight. And yes, no vegan or even vaguely vegetarian food. We suspect it was sabotage. There’s no other reason as to how the sausage roll in question came into contact with the gammon burgers.”
A local outlet of Greggs, near to the rally, has been cordoned off while police laugh at the people attending the rally.
For more information on this incident we have included a link to the article below from the minor news service that brought it to our attention :