BROKEN BONGS: FRESH OUTRAGE is in the air over Westminster today after Prime Minister Theresa May’s secret plan to shrink London’s most famous landmark, Big Ben, and give it to Donald Trump as a souvenir during his June state visit, was leaked to this fictional newspaper.
“Let me stop you right there!” a Downing Street insider insisted, hearing we had the SCOOP.
Good plan! We replied. Leave Big Ben alone.
“It’s no longer called Big Ben,” the insider cut through, “it’s now the Elizabeth Tower. And you should be happy we’re just shrinking it and giving it away because the alternative was to rename it the Trump Tower.”
We don’t like that either! There’s a perfectly good Tower Bridge and Tower of London that you could rename instead. Why give away Big Ben?
“It’s a symbol of our post Brexit future in which we reduce in size and give it all away to our special friends across the pond,” the insider explained, “do you want a special relationship with the Trussians or not?!”
Not at the cost of national dignity. Not at the cost of the NHS!
“Well it’s too late because the people have decided. Only a traitor doesn’t respect the result of the referendum.”
But shrinking the Elizabeth Tower and giving it to Donald Trump as a souvenir wasn’t on the referendum paper in 2016.
“Yes it was. Everything was because nothing was. And the PEOPLE HAVE DECIDED!”
But in democracies the people get to decide again when circumstances change. That’s why we have universal suffrage. That’s why we have a whole raft of change enabling progressive social change and inclusion.
“You’re stuck in the past. All that ended in 2015 once the shackles came off 55 Tufton Street in office in 10 Downing Street.”
This is BONG-KERS!
“This is Global Britain.”