The Head Mistress Theresa May (cartoon villain Victorian style teacher – runs a lavishly funded state school in Westminster) has surprised everyone this week by setting the head boy ‘Jezza’ (mature student, yet to graduate, multi-millionaire with an interest in politics) a snap IQ test.
It’s believed the boy has been studying for an IQ test of some variety since first being elected ‘absolute’ head boy back in 2015, but as yet he’s been left to his own devices to mutter and mumble over multiple choice practice questions such as:
Q. What form of Brexit best protects worker’s rights, collectively and individually?
a. None. All Brexits damage worker’s rights.
b. A jobs first Brexit.
c. The Brexit I attempted to sponsor in 2011, when Allotment House members John, Kate, Gisela and I voted with Tory Rugger Team players David Davis, Steve Baker, Andrew Bridgen, Nadine Dorries and others at the school council meeting for an IN/OUT EU ref, but failed at that time. We would succeed later.
https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2011/oct/24/eu-referendum-commons-vote-live-coverage
What questions will be on the IQ test for real have not been openly disclosed, although the Head Mistress hinted heavily at them. This has led some to suggest she’s secretly colluding with the head boy in the hope of helping him pass.
But an insider in the Head Mistress’s office has leaked a couple to us:
Q. What should be done about the proven illegality in the 2016 EU ref campaign by pro Leave campaigns?
a. Nothing. I want Brexit and I’m prepared to overlook the criminality.
b. A public inquiry must be held as soon as possible as without rule of law a democracy falls. And proven criminality invalidates the result of a poll.
if b. then,
ai. Would it be sensible for a leader of an official opposition that claims to want to be in government to use the proven illegality of senior members of a governing party politically in an attempt to bring about a general election?
Yes or No?
Another leaked question appears to have a creative writing focus.
Q. What is a jobs first Brexit? Describe using your imagination in 500 words or less, but being certain to include whether or not jobs lost prior to a Brexit, but resulting from the decision to Brexit, count as jobs lost in a jobs first Brexit?
And this one,
Q. What was the Labour Conference motion relating to a further referendum on EU membership, decided at conference in 2018?
Finally,
Q. If you discovered the Head Teacher of your school was possibly guilty of gross misconduct in office, would you,
a. Help her try and get away with it.
b. Tell her to get to f*ck and let her and her admin staff first stew, then rot in it as they’re dragged from office and held to account in the court of public opinion and potentially others.
While there are certain to be many questions on the IQ test, it’s believed that last one makes up the majority of the available points.