LCD Views would like to comfort citizens of Brexitannia with the warm, fluffy assertion that putting thousands of soldiers in a nuclear bunker to be ready to assist the government in a time of intentionally created calamity is perfectly sane and normal.
“It’s what healthy, functioning, representative democracies do all the time in the 21st Century,” our civil defence correspondent (a new hire, just tonight) said, “the French, Germans, Portuguese, they’ll be doing it next just to show they’re following the British lead.”
Anyone worried about disorderly behaviour in food ration queues, or who may fear they have to get passed fellow rioters to get insulin for that diabetic relative, need not worry at all, because the army will be on standby to ensure complete and total obedience to whatever Theresa May decides is law on the day.
“The bunker is fitted out with the most modern analogue television broadcast equipment too,” our correspondent adds, “so Mother May, as she will be called from the 30th of March, can broadcast speeches to tell everyone in the United Kingdom how well the war we have declared upon ourselves is going.”
We can win this war against ourselves Britons, if we all believe, if we all get together and push.
“It’s understood Mother’s first broadcast will focus on how right Charles 1st was to suspend parliament and how history has been rewritten to make him look bad.”
What about the Glorious Revolution that saw an end to the love found in the divine rule of autocratic heads of state appointed by God to govern the country?
“Well, we won’t be mentioning that too much,” our correspondent soothes, “because that involved some foreigner coming across the channel to help sort out a complete collapse of indigenous government.”