The pied piper of English nationalism, Nigel Farage MEP, has announced that he is to lead a pack of zombies on a crusade by reading from his favourite book about becoming gammon.
”Zombies normally travel in the direction of brains,” our neurological disorders consultant says, “clearly if that wannabe fascist is leading the march they won’t move drawn by the scent wafting off his cranium, as he smells just like them. He can’t play the pipe, so he’s got to find a different way to motivate the mob.”
And motivate them he will with his favourite passages from a famous memoir written in the first half of the twentieth century by a man many say he aspires to immitate.
”It’s his own translation and he’s had it printed up as a pop-up book,” our consultant informs, “anyone brain dead enough to pay to walk on a public footpath beside him that they could walk on for free will be allowed to purchase a copy for only £50. It’s really a steal.”
But questions have been asked over whether or not Mr Farage will lead the march the entire distance, and is this not just another publicity stunt to pick the pockets of the gullible?
”I’d say it is. Especially as they’re not actually marching the whole way, but coaching about a lot and it’s highly likely Nigel will quit leading the march when it’s only half way done. But declare it as success.”
And what path does he plan to lead the zombie march down, at least at the start?
”The garden path I’d expect, before buggering off for a pint.”