Police up and down the country have been alerted to the threat posed by the Yellow Vest movement. Coppers have been ordered to take a zero-tolerance attitude towards anyone in a yellow vest acting suspiciously.
This hair-trigger attitude is making few friends, but it is at least an effective deterrent. Anyone in a light-coloured reflective jacket desecrating a vegan sausage roll gets lumped into a van and taken to the nearest nick to cool down.
However, the policy can backfire. Take a recent incident in which an over-keen policewoman arrested herself. LCD Views went down to the cells at Gammon-under-Pineapple police station to speak with the miscreant.
“I was getting ready for work, putting on my hi viz jacket, when I noticed this smug, foreign-looking woman in a yellow vest,” explained PC Myra Flection. “I tried to ignore her, but I kept catching sight of her everywhere in shop windows, puddles, you name it. She kept pace with me exactly. Well, I was in a right state when I walked into the station, I can tell you. I went straight up to the front desk and reported her.”
What happened next?
“I said, Sarge, I said, there’s this yellow vest woman stalking me,” said Flection. “What does she look like, he asked. Like that!! I said, pointing at her staring out of the mirror at me. Well, I didn’t waste any time, I marched right up to her and put the cuffs on.”
How did you manage that?
“She came right up to me too,” recalled Flection. “The only way to get the cuffs on was to put them on myself. So I walked back to the desk and handed myself in.”
Fair enough.
Back up at the front desk, Sergeant Evan Elpmee clarified what had happened. “PC Flection is keen, but as bright as a thirteen-watt bulb,” he explained. “And I’m talking about daffodil bulbs! She’s in the cells for the safety of the residents of Gammon-under-Pineapple.”
It’s certainly worth reflecting upon.