Transport supremo (with pineapple) Chris Grayling MP has been branded a member of “an out of touch elite” after paying fourteen million pounds for a pizza.
”He’s no concept of the cost of living for ordinary people,” slammed multi-millionaire Magic Grandpa MP (Tory-Labour Alliance MP for Brexit), whose net worth is estimated to be over three million pounds (that’s what a google search reckons).
”To be frank with you, I am so upset by this I won’t be able to comment further,” Mr Grandpa sobbed, “as if I didn’t have enough to deal with being all torn up over the disgraceful treatment of EU27 folk by the government. Imagine moving to a country legally, trusting to the offer made, establishing a life, often marrying a local and having children, investing years in the U.K. only to find your rights arbitrarily torn up by a far right coup and your future incredibly uncertain? I tell you what. Sorry. I can’t go on. I’m too upset. I’ll make a statement on twitter about it later. I promise.”
But Grayling has defended the purchase of the pizza.
”What with the rising cost of living, it’s a bargain,” he told LCD Views’ ship’s mess correspondent, “and it’s a perfectly reputable pizza firm operating between Ramsgate and Osteende. I read on their website that it would be best to pre-order to avoid disappointing chancers, spivs and other friends of the current government, so I did, after rigorous consideration of how feasible the pizza purchase will look on my parliamentary expense account.”
LCD Views wholeheartedly joins the condemnation of the failing Secretary of State for Transport.
”He should have only paid no more than £2.5m and purchased the pizza from a state owned pizza manufacturer,” The Tory-Labour Alliance MP managed to add, and just so too, even if the range of toppings may have been more limited.