“We have the vision,” Mr Bungle-Bung, aide to the United Kingdom’s foreign secretary, told LCD Views this morning, “if we can get a hard enough Brexit, we can become an invisible hub, a chain if you will, for the world’s money launderers and serve all the kleptocrats and tax dodgers. Join them all together and still speak English!”
You mean as opposed to the rather visible chain we are currently?
”Exactly! Too much red tape. We need to cut it away. The cash lost in paying additional lawyers and accountants currently could be much better used supporting the economies of small islands with a post box. Dastardly EU meddlers charge high tariffs on the tax avoidance schemes. Well, we’re going to take back control of rapidly shifting funds from the bottom to the top.”
Thats okay, because then it will trickle back down.
”That’s exactly what we want you to think.”
And what about the foreign secretary’s other sterling suggestion that we link all the world’s democracies?
”By costing up to autocracies? Perfect sense. Modern thinking. The kind of personally profitable self-contradicting genius you get with Brexit.”
We can be a global translation service.
”Roghtly so. At the moment, if say, a corrupt official in one country wants to speak to an even more corrupt official in another country, they’re stuck! But with a central hub in London, free of the shackles of the EU anti-tax avoidance shackles, well, we can be the world’s switchboard. It’ll boost global trade. No doubt about it.”
So Jeremy Hunt’s pitch to be PM is based on facilitating special kinds of global business?
”That’s how it reads to me. He was a remainer until he saw the personal, political gain possible in a complete flip. Global Britain. Be part of it. We should invent an app!”