BBC flag ‘ferry’ ship government PR outfit Radio 4 used its award winning early morning propaganda broadcast ‘Today’ today to do the government a favour and sensibly explain today’s steep rail fare hike.
”It’s not a hike, as it’s more of a mad dash to change platforms before you miss the alternative rail service after the one you were waiting for was first delayed and then cancelled,” transport minister, A Fooken-Spoon MP, explained,
“the hike is what you do after that service is also cancelled and you then decide to walk home. It’s really a keep fit regime, a public health service, for which the government should be applauded, not lambasted.”
The radio 4 anchor, chain less and sinking into the depths unstoppably, helpfully replied, “there’ll be no lambasting here Minister, no matter how disingenuous and fanciful your replies.”
Thereafter followed several minutes of piano music while the two chaps rubbed the souls of their feet together in the classic Bokonon ritual.
No enemies here, only friends who understand one another and work harmoniously together.
”But, for those listeners who maybe a little slow on the uptake,” the government placeman demanded softly, “how do you explain the 3.1% fare increase? Even though, in comparison to 100%, 3.1% is actually very small beer.”
”All those cancelled train messages don’t pay for themselves you know,” A Fooken-Spoon answered, “private rail companies in the U.K. are now the largest employees of voiceover actors. And I for one am not going to sit here and be criticised for supporting the arts in this country.”
Very good Minister.
”Oh, and have you seen how much a rail replacement bus service costs? Almost as much as a train! Now be a good chap and explain how lucky commuters are that the rail fare rises are never cancelled and are always on time.”