Government passes ‘Klepto Act’ so MPs can be open about influence of foreign oligarchs in their politics

Fiscal and moral relief in the ranks of government today with the passing of the great ‘Klepto Act’,which allows MPs to open up about the influence of foreign oligarchs in British politics, and not fear any consequences.

”We had to act on what is clearly now an entrenched aspect of our national politics,” Mr Byeme, Tory MP for Feudalism, told LCD Views, “too many senior MPs were having sleepless nights worrying what would happen if the amount of Russian. Saudi and US cash shoved into their greedy hands, in return for favourable policy decisions, was revealed.”

The act itself has long been rumoured to be approaching the statute books and was rushed into existence in a special, private sitting of parliament early Sunday morning.

”We didn’t want to make a great public fanfare about it till it was passed,” Mr Byeme explained, “but happily it was after Labour abstained on the vote with a nod and a wink. The DUP were right up for it. Christopher Upskirting tabled it and no one objected, largely because any of the irritating MPs who refused to be bought weren’t even told the vote was happening. Lammy, Grieve, Cooper, Lucas, Lee and so on, they were all at other things. Strike while the iron is hot! Ha!”

Under the provisions of the act senior Tory politicians will now just be able to say how much they have accepted, which offshore account it went into, who it came from, and then laugh.

”This is really a cross party initiative. Foreign influence and data crime crosses the political spectrum. It’s how we do business in a 21st century U.K. rapidly accelerating into the past.”

It’s believed now was felt to be the best time to get the Klepto Act into law.

”It helps prepare the country for Brexit,” Mr Byeme said, “and sees off any sticky issues that may arise once Mueller begins to dismantle publicly the international criminal conspiracy that is taking our representative democracies and flushing them down the toilet.

”It means we can more easily replace lost financial services with a mass increase in money laundering after Brexit. A field in which we’re already world leaders, between you and me. It’s just strong and stable government in action.”

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