LCD Views can report today that the office of the prime minister has clarified its position on the minor matter of contempt of parliament proceedings, threatened by Labour, after Ms May’s government refused to do what she was told.
“We never do what we’re told by the children,” spokes-potplant for Ms May laughed, “God has chosen Theresa to autocratically rule in the earthly realm, and autocratically rule she will.”
The contempt proceedings themselves relate to the legal advice Ms May’s government has received from the attorney general, regarding the deal she’s hammered out with the EU. Of especial interest is the backstop intended to prevent a hard border on the island of Ireland.
“The EU is so terribly boring,” the pot plant shrugged, “all this droning on to try and stop a return to mass sectarian violence between whoever they are that don’t like each other in the colony, seriously, hasn’t Merkel got better things to do than meddle in our empire?”
We’ll ask her.
“Good. It doesn’t matter anyway,” the pot plant continued, “it’s not like we intend to stick to the withdrawal agreement until the moment we drag the whole show out of Europe. A second past 10pm on the 29th March 2019 it’s chainsaws to the eastern coast and cut us free to take our chances on the high seas of mass de-regulation and zero percent taxation.”
So what you’re saying is Downing Street says there is no need for contempt of parliament proceedings as the executive already hold parliament in contempt?
“Precisely. And parliament, by majority clearly holds the UK’s voters in contempt, given both major party leaders whipped their MPs to instigate Article 50 without a thought to the consequences. The noisy rabble should shut up and let us get on with doing what’s good for the web of dark money that’s shoved its fist firmly inside the UK government by the backdoor and turned the PM and her cabinet into puppets.”