LCD Views can report that everyone needs to calm down dear over the loss of U.K. involvement in the overpriced and over-regulated EU space-phone project Galileo with news that HMG have awarded a contract to capture the satelite once it goes into orbit to a Bond villain.
”Anyone who saw the sterling work of Drax Corporation in the 1980’s documentary about its capture of a US space shuttle can rest assured the positioning of the U.K. at the technological forefront of tomorrow is stellar,” newly created Minister for Corporate Espionage, Mr Anee Tori (MP for Cockbumbling) told us during a tour of his new offices.
”The Ministry for Corporate Espionage won’t be in my mother’s basement for long,” The Secretary of State reassured us, “just until little Liam Fox’s vanity project over at DIT is wound up. We’ll move into there the same day.”
The decision to award the contract to Drax Corp has raised eyebrows though, due to the close relationship between their new CEO, Mr Jaws, and Anee Tori.
”So? We went to school together, what of it? Lots of people went to school together.”
But didn’t you serve on the board of Drax for five years before being elected as the MP for Cockbumbling?
”What of it? I intend to go back to work there after my five years is up, thanks to the fixed term parliament act, and my pension secure. I want the company to stay healthy in the interim. It’s just common sense.”
Some would say it’s a little corrupt?
”BBC journalists certainly won’t! Drax owns The Speculator and have close links to 55 Tufton Street.”
That’s that settled then. So when does the capture of Galileo happen?
”Just as soon as we can find him. Apparently no one has seen him for several centuries. He’s very good at hiding.”
Galileo is a satellite system.
”No, I’ve skimmed my briefs and it’s a man. But we’ll get him and then force him to tell us everything he knows.”