The government is on the back foot today over details of their soon to be released post Brexit survival kits.
The kits will be available free of charge to members of the Conservative Party, but available at a modest retail price of £750,000 for everyone else.
”That’s just the average price of a burgundy passport available for purchase from one of the smaller EU27 states,” Vlad “the” Impaler, junior minister at DExEU told LCD Views, “although of course most wealthy Tory backers will already have purchased a second citizenship as a Brexit contingency and so we will give them a kit gratis to thank them for supporting Theresa May’s deal.”
But while the RRP of surviving in a post Brexit U.K. may not ultimately be too controversial, the kits have been positively and negatively slammed for not including recipes for common household pets.
”I expect any sensible person already employs a cook who knows all the ways to skin a cat,” Vlad shrugged, “and guinea pigs and dogs and even snakes, for that matter. It’s really just a manufactured complaint. And anyone who hasn’t applied themselves to be born with a silver spoon will presumably just eat a cat raw? Won’t they?”
So that’s that criticism rebuffed too. But what about the complaint that a diving manual, a lifeboat, a life jacket and a whistle are also missing?
We asked Labour what they made of this latest Tory furore?
”A Labour government would not have “the” Vlad the Impaler as a junior minister at a jobs first Brexit focused DExEU,” Keir Starmer slapped down, “But “a” Vlad “an” Impaler.”
And that will make all the difference to your chances of survival post Brexit.