There have been a number of campaigns for equality in recent times but this latest promises to be the most divisive yet. As of December 2018 a new change in the law will require all vegetarian and vegan restaurants, cafes and other such establishments to include at least one item on their menus containing meat.
The Prime Minister herself made the announcement at a press conference that was itself announced as “nothing to do with Brexit, although of course, once we make a success of Brexit there will only be long pig on the menu anyway”. The absence of this topic from the discussion brought an expression to her face that on a human being might have been described as bordering on a smile.
“How many people have wanted to dine out,” she said, “only to be put off a restaurant by the absence of a meat option? As of next week that will no longer be an issue. We are fixing this loophole, as we did with the issue of civil partnerships for heterosexual couples.”
The move has caused a wide range of reactions from the public. One supporter, Connie Vorr, 29, welcomed it with open arms.
“It’s about time,” she said. “It’s like when you go out for a curry but there’s always one person in the group who can’t have anything spicy, they include a few English options just to cater for that, now this is just the same. Equality in action!”
Dissenters were equally vocal however. Vegan restaurant owner Reggie Farian, 56, said:
“It’s disgraceful! Vegetarian restaurants will be forever tainted with animal products now, which completely defeats the point of their existence! If we want to cook meat we’ll have to get in extra ovens specifically for it so as not to taint the rest of the kitchen! We’ll probably have to build an outer kitchen just for meat. It’s anarchy I tell you, sheer anarchy! We are starting a petition to get this law reversed right away!”
But defenders of the change were quick to point out:
“Now you meat eaters will know what it’s like. It’s already required by law that every single non-vegetarian restaurant must have one vegetarian dish on the menu and it can only ever be penne pasta. See how you feel always having to order a steak now when you’re in a vegetarian restaurant!”
The law comes into effect on December 1st, in time for those Christmas dinner bookings. Oh well, whichever restaurant you choose, bon apetit.