Mass hysteria and mass eye bleeds are reported AROUND THE WORLD as a photo of how Elvis Presley looks now hits social media and causes so much harm to the delicate balance of the Western Hemisphere it’s uncertain as we go to print how long it will take to restore.
”Wise men say this photo is the last thing the world needs now,” LCD Views icons correspondent reports, “the photo of Mr Presley, presumed deceased by a percentage of the global population since sometime in the 1970’s, and not by lunatics, has immediately hounded fans like a dog.”
The photo itself has only emerged in the last couple of hours and is causing people to not be able to help falling out of love with a figure once assumed untouchable.
”It’s certainly going to make for a blue Christmas in the Presley household, regardless of who is present,” our icons correspondent continues, “it can only be hoped blue snowflakes start falling the next time the resurrected Elvis “the pelvis” makes a surprise public appearance, so as to obscure camera lens and spare the world a repetition of a sight no one needs to see, as it’s enough to quench even the hottest burning love.”
But even as we go to print suspicious minds are asking if this image of a giant arse isn’t actually the famous rocker but the current president of the United States, Donald Trump, who with all due modesty recently compared himself in his dangerous, dementia revealing ramblings to Elvis Presley?
”If that is the case than I can only say the photo of 45rpm has been released by Mr Trump’s own people in an attempt to distract from today’s Manafort revelations and the increasing likelihood of the current occupier of the White House doing the jailhouse rock.”