Great news for lovers of money today with the announcement from Her Majesty’s Government that they are to use nano-technology when designing new coins and notes from now on.
”It’s so people can see their money devaluing in real time,” Mrs Bi Metal, a spokesman for the Royal Mint, said, “although at first we were a little dubious, when the design spec came down from the treasury, but we soon realised tiny, tiny robots can do anything. Just look at how they’ve been used to replace the brains of Brexit Tory MPs like Chope and Bone on the Executing the U.K. select committee? Just one nanobot for the two of them!”
The trial of the revolutionary technology will be run with the release of the celebratory Brexit 50 pence pieces, planned for release next year.
”I don’t mind saying the design process was challenging,” Mrs Bi Metal admitted, “at first we were supposed to design a celebratory pound coin, but then May kept talking and the pound losing value and the goal posts narrowed to 50p. We feared by the time we had chosen a slogan for the coins it would be ten or five pences, and that’s when the robotics idea hit.”
But it won’t just be the actual denomination that will fluctuate in your pocket or purse, the message on the coin will also change daily.
”You lost get over it. We won we can’t get over it. Should I be a rouble? All the classics will be up on the coin. They’ll change each time the value changes.”
This sounds like warnings of a cashless society were over rated, with such exciting new coins coming down the line?
”Oh, I wouldn’t say that, it’s doubtful by the time we’ve crashed out of the EU that anyone much will be able to hoard something as impressive as a fifty pence piece! We’ll be well on our way to being a cashless society by then!”