Her Majesty’s Government, which governs without majesty but with a pathological addiction to cruelty in governance, has been forced today to push its newest minister out across the country’s radio and TV shows to deny something.
”I deny it categorically,” Mrs Push-Me-Pull-You, MP for Scat-on-Plates, told a credulous John Humphrys, “At no point has Downing Street created a Ministry for Denying Reality.”
Mr Humphrys could be heard nodding along, comfortable in the cerebral cholesterol cotton wool of confirmed bias and great age (of the kind which need bother not with inquiries that may confront preconceived notions).
”But has any other street created a Minister for Denying Reality?” Humphrys asked, slowly, “I have an A to Z somewhere, I can check.”
The Secretary of State for Denying Reality simply shrugged, which was transmitted by the BBC to a grateful nation, by way of a pre-recording of doves cooing.
”So that’s that then, at no point has HMG created a Ministry for Denying Reality.”
”I wouldn’t be doing my job if I confirmed it. So you’re correct John,” The Secretary of State for Denying Reality confirmed, “and if any journalist proves otherwise we trust our good Lexiter friends on the Labour benches to blame it on Blair, Brown, the Libdems and presumably that hippy from the Green Party. She’s getting too popular. Although I will add in a professional capacity, I deny she even exists.”
It was an important clarification. Also the additional denials that £500M a week is now being spent on the denial of reality, and that thousands of civil servants have been recruited to work in the ministry, instead of a more worthy cause like curing homelessness. Hired purely based on whether or not a mirror fogs when held close to their mouth.
Mr Humphrys then thanked the minister.
”I deny this interview even took place,” the minister replied.
”Next up I’ll be shouting we have to wrap up this interview with Lord Adonis, the moment it begins, while simultaneously screaming remoaner at him for balance,” John purred, and his producer Ms Sands gave him a pat on the back.