The Basil Fawlty of European politics, Theresa May, is to tell the Conservative Party Conference “we’re only doing Brexit because Germany invaded Poland” later today.
”It’s an olive branch,” Jeremy Hunt, Foreign Secretary, told LCD Views as he was taking a cold shower following his own respect heavy address to the troops.
”We’ve got to butter them up so they don’t force us to make them pay for not allowing us to use the gym after we cancel our membership.”
It’s believed May will give her speech dressed as a spitfire pilot.
”She’s watched that film, what’s it called? The one about British fighter pilots in the Boer War? She’s watched that a lot. She’s even got the same mask and goggles etc that Tom Hardy wore when he played Bane. Total preparation for the role. But you know what they say, if you prepare to fail you will. We’ve done an awful lot of prep. Pass me the shampoo will you?”
But the choice of outfit has drawn criticisms from an unexpected source.
”Yes I voted for Brexit,” John Cleese told LCD Views, “like many extremely wealthy old white British men living in a California for decades, I know what is best for the Empire. But to dress like a spitfire pilot? And not Basil Fawlty? It will send mixed messsges.”
Quite how one of the kings of mocking the pretensions of British imperial nostalgia has travelled to a place of being a Brexiter is anyone’s guess. It certainly made our office incredibly sad. A hero fallen. But anyway…
”At least Merkel will know who to blame when she looks in the mirror after May’s speech,” Hunt carried on, “we’ve shown the EU nothing but respect during these negotiations. From comparing them to Nazi’s, to Soviet Russia, to threatening not to pay up our agreed financial obligations, the only thing left now is to hammer them into submission with self deluded jingoism.”
Amd we’re going to make a success of it.