Campaigners arguing against Brexit have fought back at accusations that they are trying to overturn the result of the now-infamous referendum. They argue that Brexiters are instead trying to overturn the result of the Battle of Hastings.
“It’s the principle of it,” claims activist Russell Sprout. “As Brexiters are so keen to take us back to a rose-tinted past, how about 1066? The Norman French won, you lost, so get over it!”
Sprout explains that the UK (or its predecessors) has been governed by Europeans for a very long time. “You can’t just ignore almost 1,000 years of history,” he booms. “This country has been ruled by Europeans ever since 1066, and it is ridiculous to pretend otherwise. Conquest means Conquest!”
Brexiter Stan Dalone was not impressed. “The people had a vote!” he gammoned. “We want out, and we want out now. You can’t ignore 17.4 million people. Although you can ignore 16.1 million people, because they are liberal elitist traitors, and we don’t like them!”
“But a thousand years ago, a Frenchman shot an arrow into an Englishman’s eye,” Sprout persisted. “That means that the French won. It’s no good moaning, the result stands and I don’t care if the French cheated. You can’t argue with democracy!”
“Democracy didn’t stop in 1066!” squealed Dalone. “Democracy stopped on 23 June 2016!”
The debate was clearly going nowhere, so LCD Views sought the opinion of analyst Eva Nowt. “The truth is, the real reason for Brexit is nothing to do with democracy,” Nowt said. “It’s all about money. The argument goes, rich people are rich because they are good with money, so you give them more to look after. The poor would only squander it on rubbish like food, so they can’t be trusted with it. Brexit will help to transfer funds from the delinquent poor to the responsible rich.”
And that is, of course, exactly what the Normans did. Roll on feudalism!