Etymologists specialising in cockney rhyming slang are locked in a veritable “fight to the Hovis” over the correct correlative for “Jacob Rees Mogg”.
London’s leading “slang bangs” are unable to reach an agreement on which of the many obvious rhymes the name of The Conservative party’s leader in waiting should be used in place of.
Current leading contenders include “fog” “dog”, “snog” and “bog”.
“Some bastard’s “Jacob” has taken a “Donald Trump” on my doorstep,” has a ring to it, said slang expert Gordon Bennet, cautioning that forcing two rancid far right politicians into the same extended metaphor risks unbalancing the offbeat kilter.
Similarly, he explained, the idea of “getting lost in an absolute pea souper of ‘a Jacob‘ ” really doesn’t do justice to the man’s off the edge views.
While given Rees-Mogg’s ultra catholic views on holding hands before marriage, “snog” too is a none starter, he added.
” Anyway – ‘Took me bird round the back of the bike sheds for a quick Jacob?‘ – that’s a passion killer if there ever was one,” he grimaced.
Current favourite with a majority of slang bangers is the suggestion that “Jacob Rees Mogg” should be rhyming slang for the smallest room in the house.
To wit, “Bleedin’ Nora, had a dodgy kebab last night and spent half the morning stuck in the effin’ “Jacob” with me “Bill Grundies round me ankles.”
Although, even with the correct semantic area identified, opinions still differ, with a solid, and hard to flush grouping insisting that the correct attribution, should be “log“.
As in: “Cor blimey, own up! Who’s laid the “Jacob” in the outside bog?”
However one thing all “rhyming slang” experts agree on is that none are likely to find favour with their namesake, Mr Rees-Mogg himself.
“The sour faced young scrote isn’t exactly renowned for his sense of humour, and has been known to get litigious, ” he cautioned.
“If he decides to sue, well then, we’re all “Peter Carter-Rucked,” he laughed.