Americans woke gripping their cells in shock this morning after President Donald Trump accidentally sent a picture of his cock to everyone in America.
”He was supposed to just send a standard text messge saying ‘This is just a TEST DO NOT PANIC, yet’ to everyone to test FEMA’s new emergency messaging service,” keen White House observer Mr Raincoat (LCD Views US) wired from across the pond,
“But it seems as with everything else, except worsening wealth inequality via tax reform, he didn’t listen.”
The image, described by many who received it as “initially confusing and then horrifying”, appeared to have been taken in a small, tiled room and with a smart phone.
”It’s a great advert for Viagra,” Mr Raincoat observes, “medical science really can work wonders these days.”
Although after horror, laughter was generally next, as one of President Trump’s hands was also in the image.
”The cock is clearly small,” Mr Raincoat says, “but given it’s only about half the size of the hand, also well known to be strangely undersized, it does help explain a few things in terms of 45’s erratic and bullying behaviour in his private life and since becoming President. Still, at least he didn’t text out the nuclear launch codes.”
It’s believed follow up tests will now be undertaken, hopefully without images.
”Mike Pence is expected to send the follow ups in the weeks to come as he’s likely to be president pretty soon following the flipping of Manafort,
”Although that said, he maybe running with Trump for asylum in the nearest Russian embassy too, depending on what all the rats have told Mueller.”