The people of Kent were heard clenching hard and releasing in celebration into the small hours last night with the announcement that Invicta, the white horse, was to be replaced by Sphincter, an overturned portable toilet, on the Kent flag.
“It’s to show the entire world that Kent is not blocked up with bloody remoaners,” Thanet’s leading political stool Nigel Farage, told LCD Views during an interview conducted side by side in a pub urinal.
“that our guts are in full Brexshit means Brexshit flow and we’re ready to become one giant carpark of backed up lorry drivers, because that’s what the people of Kent voted 59% to leave the overly automated bidets and hygiene obsessed little tiled rooms of Brussels for.”
Yes! To ensure they stay at the front of the long queue of patriots busting to express themselves on England’s pleasant green fields. And it’s not only the flag that is getting updated.
”We’re going to carve a giant Sphincter into a chalky hillside facing France,” Nigel Farage added, “surround that with actual overturned and full portaloos with a sacrificial lorry driver inside, and then set the whole lot on fire using transport and logistic jobs as fuel. Bloody thing will burn for all to see for years. Just imagine the screams of the traitors! Ha!”
That vision expressed fully we shook.
”Remember more than three shakes is a wank!” Nigel cackled, easily into double figures.
It seems Brexit really will mean take back control for the people of Kent, mostly by having control of giant slurry pits where they used to have fields. And at considerable public expense.
”Spend a penny for Brexit,” Nigel added, “and do it in Kent.”