LCD Views has heard today from world famous Doctor Liam Fox and his confidence that surgery to separate a celebrated pair of Siamese twins will be “easiest in history”.
”Look, it’s just the brains that are entangled,” he blithely said, dismissing concerns that the surgery maybe harder than he believes, “and the ERG and the TPA and various other esteemed medical bodies have said by first removing my brain, it will make the surgery a cinch.”
The procedure, which is currently pencilled in to happen at 10pm on the 29th March 2019 has not been scheduled in anyway to avoid new EU regulations coming into force days later relating to medical malpractice of the tax dodging kind.
”Some so called experts have said that separating conjoined twins who have grown and matured together for over forty years is complex and should be planned exhaustively for years before even attempting it. What do they know?”
Doctor Fox went on to explain how he plans to perform the operation.
”I’m going to strap both patients to the slab and get a chainsaw. Best way to do this is fast. Hack and slash and mop up the cash.”
Reports that other professionals have suggested not to even attempt it, as it’s a procedure that will benefit no one, especially the patients, and is actually risking decades of progress achieved by the twins are similarly dismissed. Because why not?
”No one has attempted this before,” Fox shrugged, “so what can history teach you? Nothing. It’s certainly taught me and my team nothing. Well, except the bits about fascist takeovers of democracies for the personal enrichment of a tiny majority. But that’s nothing to do with this.”
And how will you personally prepare for the operation?
”I don’t need to,” he smiled, “as advised I removed my brain years ago. Everything since points to my success in that endeavour. This will be the easiest surgery of its kind in history.”