The government has announced today that all United Kingdom road and motorway signs will be removed ahead of Brexit.
”The Highways Authority is to be renamed the Low-ways Always Authority too,” a spokesandroid-alien-face/flesh/soul-intestinal gestating alien parasite that will kill your damn dog first and then the rest of you, speaking on behalf of Downing Street, told LCD Views, “because that’s how we roll now.”
The DVSA has also been ordered to redraft the driving theory and hazard perception test to just be one multiple choice question now in the written part,
”You are veering off a perfectly good road into a ditch, do you, a) close your eyes and hope for the best b) scream will of the people at any passengers c) accelerate or d) wait until your car is airborne before leaping out and trying to remember to roll when you hit?”
And the filmed hazard perception test will now involve physically immersing all individuals taking the test in an actual tank full of sharks that haven’t eaten for a month.
”To pass the test candidates will have to accurately identify the fascist symbol tattooed onto the nose of the shark that rips their head off.”
To make sure all drivers are fully up to date everyone holding a current U.K. driving license will have to re-sit the exam ahead of Brexit.
”We’ve further plans to legally require anyone still capable of driving in the U.K. after the revised test to wear a blindfold, while driving on the roads with no signs or markings present. Oh, and we’re installing fog machines everywhere which will operate 24/7. This will give employers large and small clarity.”
What about the recent memo leak that suggests new potholes will be especially created on every sealed surface in the country?
”Oh, that’s not a leak, we’ve been doing that for over two years.”
Happy motoring U.K.