Home Office slammed for dog’s breakfast of dog scrappage upgrade scheme

The Home Office has been slammed today for making a dog’s breakfast of its new dog scrappage and upgrade scheme.

”They’ve parked their tanks on DExEU’s lawn,” an insider from the prime minister’s office told LCD Views, “and rabid Raab is rabid about it.”

It seems the furore is over who gets to issue technical notices to the general public regarding personal preparations for a No Deal Brexit.

”Brexit is Raab’s baby, well, it has many fathers of course, but he reckons his seed got into the egg of fascism before anyone else’s and he wants to raise the bastard personally now he’s baffligly a minister of state.”

And it seems the Home Office scheme differs from Raab’s preferred one too.

”Under the scheme people are encouraged to trade in any small, useless dogs they own and purchase, at a subsidy, a German Shepherd. A much more useful dog in the event of looting, rioting and so on.”

Are the reservations regarding the time needed to raise and train the dog for life after a No Deal Brexit?

”No. Although now you’ve raised it that’s a pertinent point.”

What’s the issue?

”Isn’t it obvious?”

No. Please explain.

”It’s not very British! Is it! A German Shepherd? What’s wrong with a bull terrier or a British bulldog?”

Ah, yes, quite.

”Raab has gone long in dog farming and he’s piled all in on classic breeds of proper, potatriotic British fighting dogs. It never occurred to him to buy shares in German Shepherd puppy farms. He’s going to be well out of pocket now. It will not stand. We’re a democracy and he’s a Tory MP. If he can’t persinally profit from decisions regarding the running of the country, it begs the question why he entered parliament to begin with.”

It certainly does.

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